Today is a day of remembrance for many. It’s a day to look back and think of those who have given a piece of themselves, often all of themselves, for our values. It can also be a day of deep reflection and sorrow for those who have lost loved ones, which brings me to today’s spiritual intelligence post on mourning, and how grief can take us out of being in the moment.
At the Bytown Museum during our WBN Courageous Women Event, one of the lovely guides showed me Lady Minto’s mourning dress. Lord Minto had died in 1914 at the age of 68. Following his death, Lady Minto (a women who used her social influences to help bring support to organizations such as the VON) would have gone into mourning. In Edwardian times, mourning that would last approximately two years.
Two years of mourning, albeit it at different levels of withdrawal from society, is a very long time. I share this from personal experience of having lost my own partner years ago. Today, I’d like to go back to that hard time in my own life and share with you how grief pulled me from living in the moment, and how I needed to push to reclaim my joy.
Everything has a cycle, including grief. While it may not be good to stay in a place of grief forever, it is a needed process – particularly since much loss happens with little or no time to prepare. We cannot recover from the loss of loved ones immediately, we need time to honour them, to heal the body from its shock, and to feel that sadness. I once chatted with a first responder who told me there’s no point in trying to pull a person out of grief when the shock occurs—let them be in that place.
Grief is a very human response. It’s not so much about the person who has moved on, it’s about who and what we become without them.
For me, it took a long time to move forward after Kelvin had passed away. He had been forty-nine, and was such a good man, a real renaissance man. After his death, I walked like a zombie for at least six months. I found myself getting lost, my thoughts were unclear. And as time went on, my body began to ache, cold sores developed on my face. It went on to the point of me needing to take anti-depressants so I could climb out of that hole of despair.
Kelvin was one of the first men to treat me so very well. Through him, I had been learning self-love. Without him, it felt like starting from scratch again. A lot has happened since that time, I’ve been on a journey of building myself and my awareness. It makes me wonder, if I knew back then what I know today – would I have become so stagnant?
One thing is for sure, I’m thankful I woke up and realized it was time to move beyond that place of deep sadness. By that point I was in a deeply stagnant place, and needed the anti-depressants. But for more mild depressions, I truly believe if I had known then what I know today I would have been able to move beyond a more mild depression with a supported change in my thoughts.
There is so much power in our patterns of thought. I see it with each coaching session with my clients. Together, we tweak this way and that, and so we start to see positive changes in their actions. It’s amazing to see their success.
Today’s we’re going to dig into the Sister Leadership toolbox, and share with you this fantastic episode from the Nature of Things with David Suzuki called “Brain Magic” as presented by CBC television. Click through and treat yourself with this episode, it’s fascinating.
How do you stay in the present despite life’s daily stress? And what about after a deep loss—how have you been able to move forward? We’d love to hear from you either here or on our Facebook page.
Till next week!
Camille Boivin is founder of Sister Leadership, certified in EQi 2.0 and EQ360, a master practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), has been coaching high-level women and men for over six years, and is now opening her expertise to those emerging in business. Camille pulls her blog topics from her unique coaching approach that combines her training as a EQi 2.0 and EQ360 certified facilitator with the dig-deeper tools of NLP.
Get in touch here if you’d like to talk with Cam about group or one-on-one coaching, and EQ assessments. With the miracle of Skype and telephones – distance is no issue!